I wrote this blog post 2 years ago today. While re-reading in bed this morning, I was reminiscing on just how much has changed since then (hopefully my writing style has improved a tad).
"Resisting change is the reverse of evolution. Getting what you want requires change. No one said getting what you want is easy. If you truly want something, emotions are involved -strong emotions. Making changes also inherently comes with risk. You're leaving your comfort zone....enter in more emotions. The bottom line is you have to know what you want and be fully committed to getting it. This means accepting that the burden is on you. There is no "well I tried everything, I'm done, I failed." If you want it, you'll get it. Stop making excuses because it's harder than anything you've ever done before. Duh, if it were easy, you would have done it by now.
These are questions that I ask clients during a consultation. Take the time to thoughtfully answer them on your own.
1. What do you want?
2. Why do you want it?
3. What are you going to do to get it?
4. What has been holding you back from getting it?
It's important to realize that you don't know how you'll feel when you reach this goal. Imagine if you were born and raised in a place where there was only Winter. You had no experience of Summer, you only knew of it. How will you feel once you leave your home and move to a warm climate? You have no idea, but you won't know until you try.
What are your goals? What motivates you, what holds you back?"
To give you some insight into my life, I was about six months fresh from a divorce and in the process of finding "independent me". I woke up everyday trying to piece things together, cope with immense guilt, and get a handle on what would turn out to be an extremely rewarding but tumultuous relationship that I had just jumped into.
Sometimes you read random quotes people post on Facebook and, as much as internally you're thinking
"god, what a dumbass for posting a quote" you secretly identify with it and carry it with you the rest of the day, if not longer. I can't remember word for word what I read today, but it said something to the effect of "learning something everyday is knowledge; letting go of something everyday is wisdom".
The impact that relationships have on our health is highly underrated. Fifty years from now, you won't remember all the phones you cracked. You may remember a car, but not for the car, for the memories that were made in it. The relationship you have with yourself and those around you plays the biggest role in determining how, when, and if you make a change to get what you want. I've been doing nutritional counseling for about 4 years now, and personal training for almost 10. The one commonality that has surprised me the most is how pertinent personal relationships directly affect behavior. It's not your job that prevents you from exercise, it's not your kids, it's somewhere ingrained in a past or current relationship with others and/or yourself that tells you those have to be your priorities.
What does this have to do with achieving a sense of wellness? Be aware that it's you that is in control of your behavior. Always. I sense this feeling of helplessness in a lot of clients and I can empathize because I've been there. I've stayed in toxic relationships because I've thought I could help, they would change, it would get better. But, nothing gets better until you do. Stagnancy breeds nothing, and before you know it you're in a codependent rabbit hole heading the wrong direction.
I tend to ramble and get off subject, so let me be concise. You can make all the superficial changes in the world to lose weight. You can buy all the right food, eat the perfect portion size, do the correct exercises with the correct weights the correct amounts of time per day and week. You may end up with the body you want. You will not be happy and, to that effect, are you indeed well?
I felt my best when I exited those tumultuous relationships. When I (sadly) cut out friends that made me feel inadequate, that made me feel like I wasn't worth their time. Sometimes it takes putting yourself before your emotions for someone to make the best outcome for the both of you. To me, that's strength.
(Rant/
Over)
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